He stands still, his hands shivering
For never in his life he has read or felt such pain
It has hit him deep down under, deep into his stomach
Hard unto his chest and scared the rest.
His world stood still, as he tried to get it all off
“This isn’t real, this can’t happen”, he says and tries to look around
His fear has pulled him down, frozen him to move forever
Tears flow, but too scared to drop out of his eyes.
Standing inside the treatment room; he looked at her, seeing her facing her doom
It’s been days since she has eaten; now she will reach her destination
This was a letter left to read, about the truth he hadn’t known, it was written by her
For him to face the truth, for the static current will cure her for a lifetime, off to salvation.
In the letter she wrote, for him to know the truth
“There isn’t any use of telling you anything,
This is the way you are, you just can’t speak more than a meek word
I always scream, scream my feelings out to you though the reason goes unheard.
You believe in beginnings, for me end is the ultimate bliss
You prefer to be silent, I prefer to be violent
You prefer to be distant, but I missed the closeness, for I never knew how to love
You were always present in your own world; I looked for you all around my globe.
You knew I wasn’t all right, for you stillness became your might
You tired to fix, when they were not broken, but you didn’t realise they are just hanging
The yearning and crying made me feel like this clown, in an unknown town
Putting up a circus of humiliation for myself, lost when you were busy fixing yourself.
May be you realised we were just the same, just with different names
Standing in front of the mirror, you look at it; do you see me, crying to break free from it?
How can I possibly live, when I don’t wish for anything else other than death?
How can you possibly love, when blankness is what you are always fed?
Do I still sound like a mere imagery of all that’s gone wrong?
Do you still hear the broken sound of my finishing tape all along?
For you life is a journey, for me learning to live but preferring to die is the intention
Fair is the white star of twilight to throw me in the dark, and give you the light.
For you failed to realize you were the only soul who could help me, make me live, you were the only one for whom I felt to stay back in this mortal world”.
Futility of existence had crept in me, my perforated soul wanted to break the deciphered life to be set free,
As he looked at her being electrified, he remembered her words “you will learn to live, till then I would have died.”
He realized all was just a game, no start, no end, that day he too had died.
Died as human, died as a man, died as a lover, died as his love for her was never understood, neither by her nor him.
MMS – A